Holiday schedules can sometimes be the most complicated part of negotiating custody. You and your spouse may be able to figure out every other aspect of a custody arrangement but get stuck on figuring out a holiday schedule.
This is especially true with major holidays such as Christmas, particularly when parents have traditions they want to preserve or are afraid of missing out on making memories with their children.
The best interest of the child
New Jersey courts use a “best interest of the child” standard when deciding custody. There are several factors a court examines to determine what custody arrangement is in a child’s best interest.
Although there is a presumption that shared custody is in a child’s best interest, that is not always true. Courts sometimes deviate from shared custody. However, it is rare.
The same standard applies to holiday schedules. While it is understandable that you and your co-parent may both have valid reasons for wanting the children on Christmas or any other holiday, the law presumes that equal time with each parent is best for children.
Having equal time with each parent generally helps children develop and maintain a meaningful relationship with each parent.
Getting creative with solutions
The good news is that there are various ways to share Christmas or holiday custody without completely depriving you of time with your children.
Some common options include each parent having the children for Christmas Eve and/or Day on alternating years or splitting the day into two parts with one parent having custody in the morning and one in the evening.
The holiday schedule should be tailored to your unique situations. All families celebrate differently. When it comes to Christmas, many families with children celebrate on Christmas morning, but some might do it at another time during the day or another day altogether.
Try to work around each parent’s traditional celebration times. You might still have feelings of bitterness or resentment after a divorce or separation, but do not insist on having custody during your co-parent’s celebration time out of spite if you or your family are not having your main celebration at that time.
These types of attitudes only harm your children. Remember that your overall goal should be making sure your children have the best Christmas and holiday memories possible.
Children are more perceptive than you realize. You do not want your children growing up associating holidays with conflict and their parents fighting.
If you and your co-parent happen to have celebrations that occur at the same time, consider alternating years or splitting the time each year so the children can attend a portion of each celebration.
You can still choose to spend holidays together
This is not always a realistic option, but you and your co-parent are always free to continue to spend Christmas or holidays together with the children even if you are divorced or separated.
Your custody agreement may or may not reflect this. For example, your custody agreement could state that mother has custody on Christmas Day during odd-numbered years. On an odd-numbered year, mother and father can still agree that father will come to mother’s house on Christmas morning to open presents with the children.
Ideally, keeping traditions intact while easing children into the necessary transitions that come with a custody schedule is often the best for children.
